Gayhusbands's Support & Help


Straight Spouse Support

 Straight Spouse Support  

Support for The Other man, Wives of Gay Husbands and Straight Wives was designed to help and support parents, families, friends and the straight spouse as they come to terms with finding out their loved one was gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

It is hard enough for a parent to learn to cope with their child telling them that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

It is also extremely hard for a wife or husband to learn that their partner and often parent to their children is gay, lesbian, bisexual or wishing to change their gender.

This website has been receiving questions from people who are a straight spouse, or like myself “The Other Man.”

Questions that are being asked are;

What help is available?
Am I the only one this has happened to?
What about their children?
Have they done something wrong? Etc, etc.

All very important questions that need to be addressed with care and correct information.

As a straight spouse, gay husband, the parents, families, friends, or the other man we all need some kind of support or have many questions.

This is not your fault and there is help out there as you are not the only one this is happening to. You have not done anything wrong.

Yes, you will need support and guidance and so will your partner and your children if you have any. Your partner has not given you this information to hurt you (even though you are hurt).
Your partner is trying to be honest with him/herself and you.

It doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t love you either. It is just that a heterosexual lifestyle is not right for him/her. Gay is not a choice.

I will give you the web site address to many support group called I use every day.

Straight Spouse;

This group will address the questions that you will want answered and give you the much needed support that will help you get through this.

 

 

Straight Talk with Bonnie Kaye;Gay Husbands/Straight Wives – Info, help and counseling for women who discover that their husbands are gay/bisexual.The main USA one is

 

The Australian one is

 

 

This is so important as they understand what you are going through. And more importantly will help you get through it.
The one good thing about the net is you can be anywhere in the world and be capable of getting the appropriate help and support that is needed.
You should never feel alone!!!
Be Safe, Dennis Schleicher 

These groups are run by people who have been affected by having someone they love tell them they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

8 Responses to 'Straight Spouse Support'

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  1. Rob said,

    Hello Everyone

    A quick hello from “Down Under” I feel a bit qualified to comment on some things, though I am not an expert…… My marriage separation has been for almost 5 years now, I am going through the divorce procedures now, I remember it cost me $10 to get married at our local Anglican Church, this was a donation to the minister at the time for the Church’s no doubt Slush Fund…. My divorce is going to cost me the $10 hundreds and hundreds of times over…Plus Some….. But I will at least be free of her and her nastiness…….. But I must admit this has now stopped this past 18 months, she can do no more damage to me.

    For those people who want to live their life in the closet, enjoy your time there, my ex wife knew of my being gay from early in our marriage, I gave her the option of freedom, when i could no longer live the lies of leading the double. I married to “Cure Myself” but it didn’t work…. At the time in 1977, my male lover was killed in a car accident, still suffering grief, with much family pressure, I was told “Get Married, it is a phase you are going through” well I did this, married the first woman I went with, knew I’d made a mistake from day 1….

    In 1981 we had a son, our only surviving child from several pregnancies and one still birth in 1978. All along when my son was growing up, I wanted to tell him I was gay, my ex would not allow this……… saying he would not understand and not be ready for it…….. Hindsight is such a wonderful planner, I stayed with my ex wife, for the sake of our son, I came from a home where much love was, but I had no father figure, as my mum was a single unmarried woman……… I did not want my son to have the life I did.

    When I finally realised I no longer wanted to continue living a lie, I told me ex, the time had come, she had always said, we will always be there for each other, if either one of us met the person we wanted to be with, we would support the other…… At the time I met a man in Sydney, I knew it was doomed to fail, but I wanted to try my life as a fully out gay man……. I told her, the often talked about plan, was Out The Window………. Big Time……….. She became nasty and vindictive, outing me to my son, saying your “Father has become a queer … look what he has done to me” Sadly my son, was not given the full truth, that she knew all along, he believes only what she had to say.

    It has now been 5 years since I’ve seen my son, spoken to him, had a meal with him, received a Happy Birthday Dad, Merry Christmas Dad call or SMS, I have never forgotten any his birthdays or Christmas’s this past 5 years. Up until last year I spent each Christmas Day and Birthday alone, it has not been easy, but I no longer cry like I used to………

    I met going on for 2 years ago now, the most wonderful man ever placed onto this earth, we were introduced to each other by a mutual friend from interstate, I was not looking for anything, for I’d lost trust in many things, the things I valued had been taken off me….. The more I tried to defend myself the worse it got, so I withdrew myself from the fight. We started to talk, I thought he lived interstate, we talked on yahoo messenger, after 6 months, I asked him how life was in Melbourne, turns out he was a local man, who lived 15 minutes from my place…… So we exchanged numbers and two days later we met….. the rest as they say is history…………… I now spend 3 nights a week with him, he is a business man, who is gay but is very private, as his business partner is very homophobic…. but as neither of us like any of the scenes, we stay to ourselves, this works for us both.

    He knows all about my ex and my relationship with my son, his support has been wonderful, my love for this man gives me feelings, I cannot put into words, for I’ve never experienced such a rewarding and fulfilling bond and closeness with another make like this before. Making love with him is just out of this world, he pushes buttons I never knew I had………. But one of the most rewarding parts of our relationship is the emotional connection, we know what each other is thinking, it’s not all built on sex, there is no such thing as a “Quick Blow Job” where as when married, it was about the sex act, either mutual sucking someone off, or screwing them or have them screw me…………. My man is the active part of our love making, I have found talents I never knew I had…. lol………. we are both in our mid fifties, sorry to burst any illusions of youth and vitality here, but we no longer have to prove anything to each other or ourselves. Some nights we have no problems in our performance, other nights, we just hold each other when the equipments do not rise to the occasion it happens…. We do not get stressed, we are happy to just being together, falling asleep in each other’s arms.. Once upon a time, I would have felt my life had ended if I could not get it up……… or dropped a load.

    So in this long winded story, I guess I am trying to say this.

    1. Living my life honestly as a gay man, who does not live the “Gay Life” but sho just happens to be gay, there is a difference, has been the most rewarding of experience for me, I no longer hide, behind this facade of husband.

    2. I’ve lost a lot to live my life this way, but the rewards of being with the man who is my soul mate, has been worth the losses, if my son ever comes back into my life, he MUST accept my partner as part of my life, it is that simple.

    3. The choice on how to lead your life is ONLY YOURS to make, do you tell your wife or not tell you wife…. God this is so hard to advise on, for I thought all was good for me……………… BUT be Very Careful of how your wife may take the news, mine knew all along, but when push came to shove, resulting in me wanting to lead my life as a gay man, she became a woman whom I barely recognised from the one I’d lived with for 25 years. I so wanted us to be friends, on some level I still do, thinking this would be what would happen, to find in reality the exact opposite, has been so painful for me……. but the saying a “Woman Scorned” is one statement that rings true for me. I’d ended her safe existence, of wife, mother, home keeper she was more shattered by the loss of her perceived esteem, than by our marriage ending. This is why I feel she did a total turn around in her attitude.

    4. I’ve lost friends from being outed, many long standing ones, mostly married couples who feared, I may try and turn husbands heads……. but I’ve also gained friends, and many of the friendships, that still remain are stronger.

    5. I’ve also lost her family, for they were my family, I have nieces and great nieces and nephews, whom I never see any more, I was these children’s uncle for god sake, I’ve also not seen them in 5 years either.

    So I hope you all experience the close bonds that I now have, I never had these with my wife, which is terrible for her, My partner and I are totally monogamous with each other, I have never been fussed with the multiple sexual conquest scenes, he hates it as well…..

    So all the best in whatever any of you decide, the outcome cannot be guaranteed to be a happy one, but I have no regrets.

    Cheers

    Rob

  2. gayhusbands said,

    Rob,
    Thanks for sharing your life with all of us. I wish you all the best and hope your post to “Gay Husbands & Straigh Spouse Support,” helps other men by tell us what they think by sharing othe experience as gay husbands coming out.
    Be Safe,
    Dennis Schleicher
    Moderator of “Is He Gay, The Other Man Support.?”

  3. Russ said,

    Rob,

    I subscribe to Gay Husbands and whe I saw what a wonderful sharing of your life with all of us. I am crying. Hey, I’m a gay man!
    I wish you all the best of good fortune. I recently came out to my son and daughter and they have been great. My wife for a long time has known I am gay and she is very supportive and we continue to be married. My son did say he was “shocked” when I told him I was gay but he also said I have been a good dad and he loves me. How I wish fervently that your son and all your grandnieces and nephews and all your family and even your former wife will discover what a wonderful person you are as you express in your sharing with us. How happy I am for you that you have met the love of your life. I myself am open to the future but have no idea of what that might be.
    With great appreciation for your brotherhood,

    Russ

  4. Elizabeth said,

    Dear Rob,
    Reading your experiences made me feel so many ways. I feel happy an da sence of peace that you are finially enjoying your life. I feel saddness about your son and truthfull a little empathy for your ex-wife.
    My husband and I met eachother over five years ago. I knew he was gay and became his most faviort “fag hag”. After being inseperable for about six months, we started sleeping together. Funny thing about this is he kept us in the closet for almost another six months. I am a bisexual so for a while our relationship was a happily open one.
    We became engaged, married and pregant after being together for three years. I asked my husband to remain faithful to me while we were creating our baby. I thought he was but two years into being married anouther man he was friends with let me know that he was sleeping around.
    Although I understand what it is like being that I was monomous to him for almost five years, to not enjoy the other sex I felt brutlly rejected.
    The part I still dont understand is why when I was so understanding he would put our children at risk for STDs.
    Now we have been living an open relationship for almost a year and I have at time enjoyed being “free” but at time it still eats me up inside that he would do such a thing.
    If any married men in here could help me learn how to love him as a whole and get over the past that would be great because neither of us want a deviorce. We love eachother and still on occation have great sex. But its very confusing.
    help!

  5. Harvey said,

    Thank you for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and
    I am waiting for your next post thank you once again.


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