Reformed Straight Man” of the year, Ted Haggard, Posing as a Straight Man Born-AGAIN at least this week!

Ted Haggard

There is nothing wrong with being a gay man. There is something wrong with a gay man who is posing as a straight man—especially if he is your husband. This brings me to the most talked about “Reformed Straight Man” of the year, Ted Haggard.”

Ted Haggard was the head of the largest ecumenical church in America. For years, he was very much on the straight and narrow—until it was revealed that he wasn’t straight at all. He was “dethroned,” kicked out and put into exile after the news came out about his affair with a young man whom he claims there was no “real sex.” Whatever. For the next two years, the Haggard family wandered trying to find a way to live. Their multi-million dollar anti-homosexual operation was taken away from them—the one he created. He was left floundering through life, trying to find his way and where he fit. If I don’t sound sympathetic—well, I’m not. I have no sympathy for people who spew venom against homosexuality while practicing it themselves. But that’s me.

Anyway, Ted Haggard had a few pathetic years to dream up his newest money making scheme. He and his wife Gayle decided that they could give new false home to homosexuals by making them believe they have choices. Now Haggard hasn’t proclaimed he is gay—rather, “straight—with issues.” Of course those issues are homosexual issues. You know what I say—if you want a penis—you want “gay.” You can wrap it neatly in a box and call it whatever you want, but the bottom line is the bottom line.
What I resent about the Haggards is that they are putting back the whole issue of homosexuality 50 years. Through psychotherapy and prayer, a “straight man with issues” can lead a straight life. His wife Gayle bragged about their great sex life on national television to convince us of that. It’s that old line that even if people are gay, they can make choices. They can make a choice not to act on their homosexuality. I’m not quite sure how they can make a choice to make passionate love to their wives without having the ability to greatly fantasize that they are with a man, but maybe there’s a secret that hasn’t been revealed to me yet.

The sad thing is that the Haggards will make more money now than ever because they found the “solution” to the gay thing. This will give new fuel to all of those religious fanatics that believe homosexuality is a sin that doesn’t have to be acted on. This will drive religious gay men deeper into their closets than ever before. People will be paying the Haggards money to learn how to live this straight with issues life that certainly sounds better than “gay.” And so many more women will keep suffering while their husbands pretend they have “found the light” from the darkness they were lost in before Ted Haggard showed them the way.
Do I feel sorry for Gayle Haggard? No, not at all! She has found a comfortable way out of reality and a way to keep misleading women into staying in their ridiculous marriages. She will no doubt profit from the new prophet of “straight with issues.” She will teach women how to love their gay husbands unconditionally enough to help them refrain from their indiscretions that no doubt will continue to happen. She will also be financially rewarded for her false hopes that she is selling. Look, they already made an HBO special that will undoubtedly be followed by a hit book in the near future. They have to do something to make a living. Coping in the real world just didn’t seem to do it.

Ironically, the same week of the Haggards’ national appearances on every major media show, a movie was released on Lifetime called “Prayers for Bobby.” The show was about a deeply committed Christian woman, Mary Griffin, who did everything possible to try to change her son, Bobby’s, homosexuality into heterosexuality based on her strong religious faith after he came out to her in his late teens. At first, Bobby agreed to try everything from therapy to prayer to not be gay. In the end, he told his mother that he has no choice. She never stopped prodding him to keep trying lest he be damned forever, but he just couldn’t do it. In 1983, Bobby killed himself unable to live with the pressure. Mary went through her own “reformation” and became a great activist for gay rights as a leader in the PFLAG movement. (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) Mary, unlike Ted Haggard, understood the pain and torture of forcing something to happen that by nature can’t happen. This is the meaning of change—the way it should be.
Until people recognize that gay is not a choice and accept homosexuality for what it is, people will continue to lead tortured lives—especially the wives of gay men who can’t be honest or won’t be honest.

Ted Haggard, former Evangelical minister who was outted by a gay prostitute, resurfaced this week on television talk shows to promote his new book and a special on HBO. In exchange for a cash settlement of 12 months’ salary, Ted agreed to undergo ‘restorative’ therapy. The mega church he founded also demanded that Ted disappear – leave Colorado with his family, remain in exile and not talk to the press. After therapy by the ministry to restore Ted’s masculinity, and several months undergoing psychological therapy, Ted says he finally understands his sexuality. Ted now defines himself as “heterosexual with issues.” I tried looking that up, but it doesn’t appear anywhere on the Kinsey Scale of sexuality.
Listening to Ted’s wife is a lesson in denial and rationalization. Gayle Haggard says she rejects labels. “We don’t have to become our identity,” she stated on Oprah Winfrey’s show, “we can make choices.”
When Oprah asked Ted whether he was heterosexual or homosexual he denied being either. He explained that it is just too complicated to reduce to those terms. “I am a person.”
It seems that after two years of therapy, the only progress that has been made is Ted’s list of personal fables. He is no closer to the truth than he was when he hit on a young parishioner, or partied with drugs and hustlers. True, we do make choices in life and we must accept personal responsibility for our choices. However, sexual orientation is not a choice and it is very much a part of our identity. Ted’s refusal to accept his homosexuality and adapt to it was the only choice he made and it just continues the disingenuous narrative of Ted Haggard. Sadly he is stuck in that stage of denial and trying to cope with the cognitive dissonance between the truth of his sexuality and the public persona he chooses to project. Ted, like many gay husbands stuck in this phase, is driven by fear. In the HBO special Ted revealed that he fought against his sexuality all of his life because he feared loss of his friends, loss of the church and his ability to make a living. Living in isolation and without means to earn a living, Ted is facing his worst fears and he is dragging his wife and sons with him through his personal hell. Ironically, he has been forced into exile and isolation by the anti-homosexual monster he created. But the real victims here are his wife and his two teenage sons who have been dragged through the muck as a result of Ted’s personal demon.