Coming out to a New Community
Tips for LGBT People on the Move
By Judith Faucette
Whether you were out in your previous location or not, a move can be a great opportunity to meet other LGBT people. It can also be an incredibly nerve-wracking experience. These simple steps will help you to test the waters and decide how out to be in your new home, as well as where to find your niche.
1. Research Gay Organizations and Community Leaders
Though you may not be a “joiner” or the type to wave your flag at Pride every June, community leaders are people who know what’s what in your city or neighborhood. They’re relatively easy to find – a quick Google search will normally do the trick – and often friendly and happy to help new people. In addition, if you’re concerned about homophobia in the community, or haven’t moved yet and are wondering what the area you’re considering is like, community leaders are people who can give you honest answers and suggest other people to talk to.
2. Look for Group Activities, Meetings, and Support Groups
If the bar scene isn’t your thing, consider attending an LGBT group meeting. Many communities, even small towns that don’t have much catering to gays and lesbians, have gay reading groups, knitting circles, games night, AIDS or transgender support groups, or speaker series. If you don’t find information online, try your local library or Unitarian Universalist church. If there is a college or university in your area, ask a professor who teaches gay studies classes or advises the LGBT student group for suggestions.
3. Know What You’re Looking For
Before you start investigating, think about what your goals are. Are you looking for the LGBT dating scene? Many big cities have quite a selection of bars to choose from, and it’s too easy if you’re coming from a small town just to wander into the first one you see with a rainbow sticker in the window. Find out what’s available – community leaders can help. Are you in a committed relationship and looking for friends? Gay parenting groups or childcare exchanges are great for folks with kids. Activity groups are another way to make friends that isn’t focused on the singles crowd. You also might look into religious services and organizations that are LGBT friendly. If one event has low attendance, don’t assume that the town has a small LGBT population. Try something else and see if your luck increases!
4. Support Local Businesses
Often, businesses that are supportive of the LGBT community display a rainbow sticker or a diversity slogan in the front window. Especially in a smaller community, you can be sure that these businesses won’t discriminate against you based on your orientation or gender identity, or give you the cold shoulder. Independent bookstores are often a great resource.
5. Know Your Rights
If you’re moving to a large city with a large gay population, you may feel perfectly comfortable coming out, but in small towns or regions/countries that are not particularly gay-friendly, coming out may be quite stressful. Once you’ve found other LGBT people in the area, rely on them as a support network. Become familiar with your locality’s ordinances on employment, housing, and public accommodations discrimination. Find out whether laws extend to gender identity as well as sexual orientation. Are other people out at work? Ask them privately about their experiences. Have you met other gay parents? Ask how supportive the local schools are, and consider joining PFLAG. If you do experience discrimination or harassment, ask community members about gay-friendly attorneys in the area. Many areas also have human rights commissions or other means to challenge discrimination without a lawyer. Hopefully you will never experience discrimination in your new community, but if it happens, it’s smart to be prepared.
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