Support for the Other Man, Straight Wives of Gay Men – Husbands

Over 4 million Americans are affected by an epidemic of relationship shifting that breaks traditional notions of what a couple is and what they should be.  Men or women that have denied their true sexuality in order to follow the societal norm of the traditional marriage scenario are increasingly finding other options to fill, who they really are.  In that process of “coming out”, I’ve seen both, men, women and children suffer the collateral damage of lives that will forever be changed. Through many support groups, both online and off through books, including my own and through honest communication with each other, it is my intent to provide this as a place for any person involved in this kind of relationship to find safe haven. 

11 Responses to “Support for the Other Man, Straight Wives of Gay Men – Husbands”

  1. Dennis Schleicher Says:
    October 25, 2007 at 2:55 AM | Reply

    Dennis J. Schleicher was launched into national prominence as an international spokesperson for both the gay and straight community, a career he began when he was bashed in high school by his peers because he was thought to be gay. At the time, in 1990, he was invited to 7 national TV talk shows including “Larry King Live” and “Sally Jessy Raphael” to tell his story, a story that ultimately became the impetus to write his now best-selling memoir, “Forbidden Love With a Married Man: E-mail Diaries.”

    In addition to working on his second book “The Other Man,” he has a weekly radio call-in show, “Talk Is Cheap.” Schleicher has become the international spokesperson for the genre of married men who are gay. He gets calls from all over the world from people who are like himself (dating a married man) and women who have been questioning their husband’s orientation. He does an AOL chat room every Sunday for married men looking for guidance to come out. And for men like himself, who found them trapped in a triangular moral dilemma being the other Man.

    Schleicher’s main goal as a relationship coach, when he’s contacted directly or through reading his blogs and published memoir, “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries,” is that they feel a comfortable safe haven, where they can find confidential support and know that they are not alone. This is achieved by the thousands of e-mails and phone calls Dennis received over the past several years as he’s been coined an international lecturer and spokesman, representing the married gay man living a double lifestyle, the wife, who finds themselves unknowingly involved with a spouse who is gay, often referred to as “Brokeback Marriage.”

    There is a tertiary to this unusual triangular relationship, where Schleicher is receiving hundreds of calls from men like himself “the other man,” who are usually dropped at Schleicher’s doorstep. Only after years of promise, hopes and dreams that there married partner will soon come to terms with his sexuality and leave his wife.

    It’s my job to be nonjudgmental when dealing with three aspects of sexuality. A married gay man living behind a persona of appearing straight. The unsuspecting or often in denial straight wife, the gay man who finds himself hopelessly in love with someone else’s man.

    With his candid and no holds bar he is a certified Tantric coach and works with both straight and gay couples on maintaining a healthy and sexually charged relationship.

  2. gayhusbands Says:
    October 25, 2007 at 4:22 AM | Reply

    “Support for The Other Man, Wives of Gay Men & Husbands, Straight Wives.”
    4 million are affected by an epidemic of relationship shifting that breaks traditional notions of what a couple should be. Men, Women that have denied their true sexuality in order to follow societal norm of the traditional marriage scenario are increasingly finding other options to “coming out”, I’ve seen families suffer collateral damage of lives that will forever be changed. Is there anyway to know my husband is gay? Support for the other man, gay husband, straight spouse & wives of gay men.

  3. Ben Says:
    March 23, 2008 at 10:17 AM | Reply

    hi my name is Ben and I live in TX… I am married with 2 children and I am 24 years old… I started young at 18 getting married and having children… proving statistics wrong and making my self a professonal business man and my wife a RN … we are doing very well forselfs with investments properties on top of our regualar investments we have have always looked out for ourselves as we don’t have an ACE in the whole if we needed help ever.

    though I came out to my wife a couple years ago over dinner at a restaurant telling her I liked the looks of other guy’s and it’s not anything more then that. she seemed to be all right with that but days went by and she grew more concerned about if I was there for her or looking at other options. it came to a point when it got out to her family through something on myspace and I have been laying low on this since.

    I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to give up everything or loose the best friend I have ever had. I know there is going to be heartach and emotional distress but I don’t want to lose the closness and all I have invested.

  4. gayhusbands Says:
    March 23, 2008 at 9:50 PM | Reply

    Ben-
    I just sent you an e-mail with my home and cell phone #. Call anytime. We have much support out in the US and TX. I can put you in touch with so many other’s.
    Be Safe-
    Dennis Schleicher

  5. Angela Says:
    July 2, 2008 at 6:17 PM | Reply

    I imagine a straight male might have any one of a number of reactions.

    As a straight woman when a male friend I had known since the 2nd grade revealed he was gay in his mid 20’s I was a little pissed off at first that he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me sooner. Especially since he knew I already had gay friends. Once I stopped thinking about me and started thinking about him (that took maybe 10 minutes) I was cool with it. He’s still my best bud, he still calls me for fashion advice and he’s still 19 days older than me. The only thing I can’t stand is that he’s a friggin’ Republican.

    PS – He was a Republican long before he was gay or came out of the closet. I blame his dad for that defect. the rest of him is cool.

  6. Jessie Says:
    July 26, 2008 at 4:38 AM | Reply

    My husband and I have been married for four years. We were best friends for a couple years before that. We got married when we were 18 and now have a wonderful 3 year old. I have known for the past two years that my husband is bisexual. At first I was hurt but we talked about it briefly a few times and he promised that it wasn’t a problem. Then, about a couple of months ago, my husband cheated on me with a guy. While he did admit to it after I found some evidence I am VERY hurt. I have always tried to be open and understanding but when he disclosed his affair I explained to him that just because he is bisexual doesn’t mean he can cheat, the same rules still apply. He says he has “found himself” now and knows that he wants to really be with me now. But, how do I know that in a few years that he won’t do it again? I can’t talk to anyone about this because both of our families wouldn’t understand and there is no way that any of my friends would understand. I just need some advice from someone who won’t think I’m crazy for staying with him after all he has put me through. I still love my husband very much and want this to work as long as he’s willing to make it work. Please help!

  7. Jane Says:
    August 17, 2008 at 8:12 PM | Reply

    Dennis,
    Your book is GREAT!!!!
    When will the next one be out???
    Hugs,
    Jane

  8. The sister n law Says:
    September 29, 2008 at 5:56 AM | Reply

    I came apon this sight in search of some help in dealing. My sister in laws boyfriend of four years whom she has a two year old daughter, a house payment, and joint responsibilities with has recently “come out” to her. My sister in law and I have had our differences and pretty much don’t get along. Regrdless my husband is not as accepting of differences as I am. I am trying to find help in supporting both. I love my sister in law very much and geniunly am fond of her and my husbands relationship but I am afraid this will take a heavy toll on them. I suppose I am more looking for statistics of relationships in this situation that truly do “work out”. I am scared for my sister in law because this is a very life altering event, regardless of her acceptance outside of her own home. I am even more concerned for my niece. How will this affect her. Im even more concerned because my sister in laws boyfriend is a divorcee from a previous “heterosexual relationship” where he also had a daughter. Does this seem like a pattern but now with more answers or does statistics not favor their relationship? Im really confused and scared for her family and the affects of the few other members of this very close family. I want to be a rock of support for our family but I don’t know how. I will openly accept my sister in laws decision to continue in the relationship but I can not directly relate. Any advice or help that you can offer would be greatly appreciated!

  9. AAA Says:
    March 8, 2009 at 3:43 AM | Reply

    Dennis! Are you sexist??? I see you being oh so supporting of the men on this page who are crying out for help by offering them your personal info and answering their questions, but when the wives on this page who are crying out for some help write to you they get ZERO reply from you. What’s the matter? Are you only helpful to the people you want to have sex with? In my book that is sexist!!! Women are people too, you know. I know how to be nice, helpful, and supportive to people that I am not sexually interested in. Maybe you can learn that some day!

  10. Carrie Says:
    May 26, 2009 at 7:44 PM | Reply

    I am just looking for some help. My mother just told me that for the past 30 years her marriage to my father has been a sham. He likes to dress in women’s clothing and also has had affairs with men. This has been going on my entire life. I do not know how to deal with this. He has put my mother through so much and I know that he has also been dealing with a lot also. I just need help.

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