Online Dating! Do You Ever Ask Why He Noticed Your Profile?

Online Dating! Do You Ever Ask Why He Noticed Your Profile?

By Dennis Schleicher

You know you and your guy are getting pretty close when you’ve reached that stage in your relationship where you can talk about all of the funny/awkward/cute things that happened when you first met. I talk about this all of the time. One date in particular I was taken to a museum (cute) followed by dinner at a pretty artistic “restaurant” that has since, ahem, closed down (not-so cute). Just recently I asked my date what he initially noticed about me that made him interested. You’ll never guess what he said…

My style. Huh?! I immediately asked him if he thought that most guys online think style in a profile is important, and he said he did. But I wasn’t convinced. After we asked some of his friends, we decided that, really, only one or two of them would even notice what I was wearing.

Here’s the thing: Guys definitely check out bodies, right? (Duh.) So if you’re wearing clothing that shows off all of your assets, he’s going to take note of your profile. In the photo that caught his attention I was wearing a button-down shirt, and fashionable jeans with nice dress shoes. I was also informed that the vast selection of photos, offering different appearances, caught his attention.

So, then, why did he notice my style? Here’s the caveat: A select number of guys genuinely do appreciate a fashionable man. If your fella is artsy, if he’s an observant chap, if he takes pride in his own style, if he’s smart—and into you enough—to notice that it’s something you take pride in, or if he’s gay (kidding!) there’s a pretty good chance that your top-notch taste with your online profile will earn you some points and land your profile on the top of the list. The other plus for you chic Internet daters out there is that if you offer photos or wear a little something that’s interesting, or different, guys will usually send you an e-mail. After we make that initial connection. We are looking for every reason to keep our conversation flowing. So if you have some fresh a really cool and up to date photos that’s obviously not from these here parts, he’ll probably bring it up.

Tell me, guys, can you relate to this? What’s the first thing your guy noticed about your online profile? Does your man dig your style? Do you usually dress for you or your date? Do you ask your guy why he’s so into you? What do you notice first about guys? Have you ever changed your style for a guy? Or, have you asked him to dress differently for you?

“Is he gay? He is married! He can’t be gay!”?

“Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries“

How often has it been said…

“Is he gay? He is married! He can’t be gay!”?

You would be surprised if your husband, the guy you married was emotionally or sexually involved with another man!  Or would you care?

The chances are that if you are reading this blog, you are either gay lesbian or bisexual and possibly married, or possibly in a relationship with such a person who is married to the opposite sex.

The chances are that you are seeking to answer questions like “Is my husband gay or bisexual?” or “Is my wife a lesbian?” “Am I the other woman?”  “Is my husband involved with another man?”  “Is my spouse, secretly having an affair?” 

The statistics are rather staggering, according to the 2001 U.S. Census figures show as many as 4 million Americans could be married or have been unknowingly married to a gay spouse living a double lifestyle.  According to an explosion in the media it is suspected that it happens far more frequently than society would lead us to believe. In the majority of cases, the straight spouse might be totally unaware of the true sexuality of their partner. When and if they discover the whole truth, it can be devastating, often leading to a divorce of the marriage. But in some cases, particularly where the relationship between spouses is strong, the marriage can survive, although it is believed that only about 20 or 25% do survive.  This is often the wife in denial with fear of letting go of comfortable patterns associated with self-esteem.  With feelings of what did I do wrong in my marriage?  Trust me when I say.  It’s not the wives faults!!! There are marriages where one partner knew about the sexuality of the other partner before the marriage took place.  Often with the spouse saying.  “It happened when I was in high school,” or “it was just one time, it was only sex, it didn’t mean anything…”  

What are your thoughts and opinions on married, bi, or gay men not coming out to their wives?  How about the “Other Man,” what emotional ramifications does he face?  Is it the gay community, so detached that it doesn’t matter?   

My e-mail has been flooded with letters from the “Other Man,” looking for support and guidance as they emotionally got tangled with someone else’s husband. 

Be Safe,

Dennis J. Schleicher

The author of ”Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries.”