The Gay Man’s Therapist by Angelo Pezzote

Your Weekly Affirmtion: The sun is always shining behind the clouds, even if grey skies is all you can see. ~Angelo

All’s He Cares About Is Himself!

Dear Angelo,

I am in love with my friend but he doesn’t feel the same way about me. In fact, he’s very self-absorbed. All he cares about is himself. He doesn’t even treat me good, but he’s all I think about. I can’t imagine my life without him. I need him. I wish he could just see that I’m what he’s been looking for. I find myself really lonely, doubting myself and questioning things. I’m miserable, thinking of hurting myself, knowing I’ll never be able to be with him. I wonder if things will ever improve for me. I’m so confused right now. I don’t want to end up old and alone surrounded by cats and dogs.

Signed, Sinking Ship

 

Dear Sinking Ship,

I’m sorry you’re suffering through this awful situation. The pain of unrequited love can be excruciating and the ensuing grief can seem unbearable. I’m so glad you sent out this S.O.S. ! And you know what? Your use of humor at the end (“surrounded by cats and dogs”) tells me you’re going to be okay.

 

In the movie Titanic, Rose has to let go of Jack’s frozen hand (allowing him to sink underwater) to get rescued. The lesson is that sometimes we have to let go of something we love to save ourselves. It’s better for you to let him go and suffer the relatively short-term emotional pain rather than drawing out the misery of not having him. Anything less is masochistic.

 

As painful as it is, every time you think of him say, “I release you and wish you well.” Then ask yourself, “what do I need to do to take care of myself right now?” Then do that. You must believe that you’re trading this relationship in for a better one. The Universe is already directing the right guy to cross your path at the right time. Focus on that new love to come rather than on what didn’t work out.

 

I also suggest you call the Trevor Project (a 24/7 confidential gay suicide & crisis prevention helpline http://www.trevorproject.org ) immediately at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386. I also recommend you consult with mental health experts such as a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. It’s also a good idea to attend a 12-step group such as CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous http://www.codependents.org ) or Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org ) for self-care, learning how to keep the focus on yourself.

All The Best, Angelo.

Author of Straight Acting – Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love

http://www.askangelo.com

Life…Who’s Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a special low fee for your first session by phone or internet Reduced Introductory Session so you can try me out. I’ve actually reduced my fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have phone/internet packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details Next Event MAKING LOVE Thu APR 16 8-10pm LGBT Center Free (Donation). Want more Ask Angelo advice? Want to Blog, Chat, Connect? Not yet a member? Register. Missed a Natty Newsletter? Sign in to the Members Area at AskAngelo.com and go to the Archives under your Mailing Lists tab.

 

Feel free to forward this e-zine to a friend. If they like it they can join to get it free at AskAngelo.com Win a free autographed copy of my book as a raffle prize. Anyone who joins our newsletter list or refers someone to our list in the next 30 days is entered.

Join LIFE…WHO’S HELPING WITH YOURS? LESSEN YOUR TROUBLES http://www.askangelo.com/ 

 

Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY www.AskAngelo.com 

 

Editor’s note: As one of the best clinical psychotherapist, especially within the genre of gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, and transgender issues, Angelo Pezzote can undoubtedly help you with a broad range of concerns including: relationships, anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma (abuse), sexuality, and gender. He is available by appointment in-person, over the phone, or internet (Skype), which allows him to counsel any of my support group members no matter where you are throughout the country.

Dennis Schleicher

Best-Selling Author and Support Group Counselor

http://gayhusbands.wordpress.com/ 

Ted Haggard’s Wife to Oprah: I Knew About Gay Desires

Ted Haggard’s Wife to Oprah: I Knew About Gay Desires
Gayle Haggard thought her husband Ted could control his sexual urges, but she was wrong. And the ramifications would put her family in the national spotlight.

What is it like being married to a gay husband?

Gayle, the wife of former Colorado New Life Church Pastor Ted Haggard, will tell Oprah Winfrey today that she knew about her husband’s same-sex struggles for years and had hoped he had a handle on things. But then, in 2006, their world came crashing down when a male prostitute came forward about a relationship with Haggard. “The first words out of my mouth were, ‘Who are you?’” she said, according to a publicity release issued Tuesday by Harpo Productions.

Adding to the Haggards’ lack of marital bliss is the news this week that Haggard also masturbated in front of a then-22-year-old church volunteer in 2005. The volunteer, Grant Haas, told KRDO in Colorado Springs that Haggard also sent him illicit text messages including “all kind of weird things, texting me about all the different sexual positions, practices he was engaging in and it was just really weird.” The church and the man reached a settlement in 2007. Haas says he spoke out now to protest a new HBO documentary on Haggard. Haas says that film, directed by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s daughter, Alexandra, seems to paint Haggard as a victim, a label Haas simply couldn’t accept.

Why, you may wonder, would Haggard agree to such a project? “He talked to us because he had nothing to lose,” Pelosi said. “He was down and out.” But apparently Haggard isn’t too thrilled about the movie. He told the LA Times that he trusted his friend, Pelosi, not to invade his family’s privacy and he wasn’t comfortable with her using videotaped footage for the film. But Pelosi said she wanted to tell his side of the story, since the media did “a disservice” to him.
The documentary, “The Trials of Ted Haggard,” premiers Thursday at 8 PM ET.

Books that we recommend;
by Dennis Schleicher
Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

by Angelo Pezzote
Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love

by Bonnie Kaye

Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives

How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives

The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder

Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Talk: A Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands

Be safe, Dennis Schleicher
Post your comments and views below;

Can You Be Heterosexual?

Can You Be Heterosexual?

Well, yes, or at least act like you are. This is how I see it: Gay is Gay. Heterosexual is Heterosexual. Many of the men I meet with that have same-gender sexual orientation choose for many kinds of reasons not to express their feelings of attraction and consciously decide to live a heterosexual life and pose as “straight.” Does this mean your husband is gay? Well, if you bark like a dog and walk like one. What do you think? I can go on and on about my inner wisdom on gay men behaving as straight, as I see it every day with my work as the “other man.”