The Gay Man’s Therapist by Angelo Pezzote

Your Weekly Affirmtion: The sun is always shining behind the clouds, even if grey skies is all you can see. ~Angelo

All’s He Cares About Is Himself!

Dear Angelo,

I am in love with my friend but he doesn’t feel the same way about me. In fact, he’s very self-absorbed. All he cares about is himself. He doesn’t even treat me good, but he’s all I think about. I can’t imagine my life without him. I need him. I wish he could just see that I’m what he’s been looking for. I find myself really lonely, doubting myself and questioning things. I’m miserable, thinking of hurting myself, knowing I’ll never be able to be with him. I wonder if things will ever improve for me. I’m so confused right now. I don’t want to end up old and alone surrounded by cats and dogs.

Signed, Sinking Ship

 

Dear Sinking Ship,

I’m sorry you’re suffering through this awful situation. The pain of unrequited love can be excruciating and the ensuing grief can seem unbearable. I’m so glad you sent out this S.O.S. ! And you know what? Your use of humor at the end (“surrounded by cats and dogs”) tells me you’re going to be okay.

 

In the movie Titanic, Rose has to let go of Jack’s frozen hand (allowing him to sink underwater) to get rescued. The lesson is that sometimes we have to let go of something we love to save ourselves. It’s better for you to let him go and suffer the relatively short-term emotional pain rather than drawing out the misery of not having him. Anything less is masochistic.

 

As painful as it is, every time you think of him say, “I release you and wish you well.” Then ask yourself, “what do I need to do to take care of myself right now?” Then do that. You must believe that you’re trading this relationship in for a better one. The Universe is already directing the right guy to cross your path at the right time. Focus on that new love to come rather than on what didn’t work out.

 

I also suggest you call the Trevor Project (a 24/7 confidential gay suicide & crisis prevention helpline http://www.trevorproject.org ) immediately at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386. I also recommend you consult with mental health experts such as a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. It’s also a good idea to attend a 12-step group such as CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous http://www.codependents.org ) or Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org ) for self-care, learning how to keep the focus on yourself.

All The Best, Angelo.

Author of Straight Acting – Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love

http://www.askangelo.com

Life…Who’s Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a special low fee for your first session by phone or internet Reduced Introductory Session so you can try me out. I’ve actually reduced my fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have phone/internet packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details Next Event MAKING LOVE Thu APR 16 8-10pm LGBT Center Free (Donation). Want more Ask Angelo advice? Want to Blog, Chat, Connect? Not yet a member? Register. Missed a Natty Newsletter? Sign in to the Members Area at AskAngelo.com and go to the Archives under your Mailing Lists tab.

 

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Join LIFE…WHO’S HELPING WITH YOURS? LESSEN YOUR TROUBLES http://www.askangelo.com/ 

 

Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY www.AskAngelo.com 

 

Editor’s note: As one of the best clinical psychotherapist, especially within the genre of gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, and transgender issues, Angelo Pezzote can undoubtedly help you with a broad range of concerns including: relationships, anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma (abuse), sexuality, and gender. He is available by appointment in-person, over the phone, or internet (Skype), which allows him to counsel any of my support group members no matter where you are throughout the country.

Dennis Schleicher

Best-Selling Author and Support Group Counselor

http://gayhusbands.wordpress.com/ 

Straight Spouse Support

 Straight Spouse Support  

Support for The Other man, Wives of Gay Husbands and Straight Wives was designed to help and support parents, families, friends and the straight spouse as they come to terms with finding out their loved one was gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

It is hard enough for a parent to learn to cope with their child telling them that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

It is also extremely hard for a wife or husband to learn that their partner and often parent to their children is gay, lesbian, bisexual or wishing to change their gender.

This website has been receiving questions from people who are a straight spouse, or like myself “The Other Man.”

Questions that are being asked are;

What help is available?
Am I the only one this has happened to?
What about their children?
Have they done something wrong? Etc, etc.

All very important questions that need to be addressed with care and correct information.

As a straight spouse, gay husband, the parents, families, friends, or the other man we all need some kind of support or have many questions.

This is not your fault and there is help out there as you are not the only one this is happening to. You have not done anything wrong.

Yes, you will need support and guidance and so will your partner and your children if you have any. Your partner has not given you this information to hurt you (even though you are hurt).
Your partner is trying to be honest with him/herself and you.

It doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t love you either. It is just that a heterosexual lifestyle is not right for him/her. Gay is not a choice.

I will give you the web site address to many support group called I use every day.

Straight Spouse;

This group will address the questions that you will want answered and give you the much needed support that will help you get through this.

 

http://www.straightspouse.org

 

www.gayhusbands.com

Straight Talk with Bonnie Kaye;Gay Husbands/Straight Wives – Info, help and counseling for women who discover that their husbands are gay/bisexual.The main USA one is

 

http://www.pflag.org

The Australian one is

 

http://www.pflag.org.au

 

This is so important as they understand what you are going through. And more importantly will help you get through it.

The one good thing about the net is you can be anywhere in the world and be capable of getting the appropriate help and support that is needed.

You should never feel alone!!!

Be Safe, Dennis Schleicher 

These groups are run by people who have been affected by having someone they love tell them they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.