Gayhusbands's Support & Help

Our Power of Fear Leading to Closeted Gay Bi Married Husbands

Posted in Gay Husbands by gayhusbands on June 30, 2013

Power of Fear Leading to Closeted Gay Bi Married Husbands Power of Fear Leading to Closeted Gay Bi Married Husbands

Power of fear is at the basis of all negative emotions and actions.  It is why we lie, why we argue and have to be right all the time.  It’s the reason behind some people’s needs to be in control. It is the reason why people steal and the list goes on and on.  Controlling people are just very fearful people.  They may project a strong fearless front but that exactly what it is, it’s a front. They need to control their environment which generally plays out into their relationships as well because they become anxious or fearful if they things are not within their comfort zone.  I believe by knowing this about people it can empower you because you are likely actually stronger and less fearful than they are in reality.  Fear is the reason also of course why people choose to go into the closet, get married, developed a family or a house with a white picket fence in the SUV parked in the driveway and parked next to our BMW’s otherwise referred to as status symbols.

     A quote from chapter two of my memoir, “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries,” “typically, most children are brought up in a society where finding love in the opposite sex is bred into them.  They are taught to start a courtship, which will eventually lead to marriage and later on, children, a house with a white picket fence, a dog, an SUV and a double income family.”

     Fearing that we may lose the love and companionship that all humans need for healthy emotional survival on many levels, because society has deemed this so. I believe it is a healthy and productive exercise to whenever you are feeling dis-ease or discomfort to know that it is about fear. Therefore it is important that we take the time and trace back through our thoughts what it is that we are in fear of that is causing this discomfort.  Generally what we fear is the not knowing of the outcome of a circumstance which is again why gay people generally go into the closet at least at first.  Some obviously for longer periods and end up following social expectations and marry causing more victims of our fears.  Being fearful can lead us to be deceptive and dishonest in our communications with others, leading to closeted gay Bi married men.

     The most unfortunate issue about this is, we then don’t really have truly open hearted, rich and fulfilling relationships with people leaving us lonely in our private thoughts.  It is when we interact with people using our hearts we become less fearful and have more joyful lives. Leave the brain to math, science and technology when it comes to matters of relationships.  Use your heart openly and without fear as best you can. It takes practice. 

     Most generally what we fear as I stated is the consequence of what may happen if I were truthful.  The consequence is almost never as bad as we expect it to be.  We need to ask ourselves what is our greatest fear if I am honest.  What is the very worst thing that can happen we need to ask ourselves?  Can we then survive the consequence of being truthful about our true selves and our true thoughts? The answer to that is, of course we can survive. There may be a period of discomfort. Even serious discomfort but we will survive.  People that choose suicide rather than being truthful about their true selves are choosing a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

    It is also a self act because it leaves the survivors unable to heal because they will always wonder what they could have done differently to prevent the tragedy.  Always remember is not always necessary to be right.  To we want peace or to we want to be right? Pick your battles carefully and use civility throughout the conflict resolution process.  Never name call. That is about control which is another word for fear.   Our fear in conflicts in not being right is generally about looking or feeling foolish. You actually look more foolish by maintaining that you are right when it’s obvious that you are not and you are being foolish if it is a silly disagreement anyway.  Be true to yourself and you will then be able to be true to others. For those of you that cannot build up the courage to come out to those you love and are a integral part of your lives you are cheating yourself and them of really knowing each other’s hearts and souls.  When you are out you will not have to edit you life anymore which is not only demeaning but exhausting. Your true self has just as much value as anyone.  So come on people.  Start asking yourself some of these questions.  You can handle the outcome of the truth when it is revealed I promise.

     Be Safe-

     Dennis J. Schleicher

Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries


Do you feel like you’re living a lie? Are you keeping a secret from your family and friends?


 GRB Enteratnment

 Do you feel like you’re living a lie? Are you keeping a secret from your family and friends?

Are you ready to come clean and share your story? From the Producers of the hit show “Intervention” and a Major Cable Network comes a new documentary series about people who live double lives.


We are searching for people that are keeping a major secret from their loved ones, co-workers and friends.


In the documentary TV series we will explore the worlds of everyday people who are living a double life and how, through the help of a therapist, their lives change after they expose their secret.


This is a positive show providing expert help. Those who are selected to participate will receive monetary comensation and free therapy. Anyone and everyone who meets the criteria is encouraged to apply.  Have friends that need help?  Tell us about it and how it is affecting your life keeping the lie for them. 


If you are keeping a major secret from the ones you love the most and would like some help sharing your story, please email a brief description of your situation to:


Please also include the following:


Location / City

Contact Number(s)



*This is a Nationwide Casting

Why do you need to know if you have a Gay Husband? Tell Us What You Would Do?

While some people have argued that a marriage can survive with one heterosexual spouse and one gay spouse, the majority of research points in the opposite direction.

There are certain instances of women discovering that a husband is homosexual and still accepting him as a gay spouse. This is seen most particularly in a scenario where children are involved-wife wants to keep the family together, no matter what it takes. The need for the children to have their father around and the desire to model a traditional family is often so overwhelming that some women place their mental health and emotional wellbeing at risk.

Be Safe-

Dennis Schleicher Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man

Tell Us What You Would Do?

How Many Gay People are There In The United States? Is Gay In?

How many gay people are there in the USA?

The Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, a sexual orientation law and public policy think tank, estimates that there are 8.8 million gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons in the U.S based on the 2005/2006 American Community Survey, an extension of the U.S. Census (Gary J. Gates, 2006, “Same-Sex Couples and the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Population: New Estimates from the American Community Survey”).

The number of LGB persons in the U.S. is subjective. Studies pointing to the statistics are estimates at best. The most widely accepted statistic is that 1 in ever 10 individuals is LGB; however research shows that the number may be more like 1 in 20.

Of course, this all depends on one’s definition of gay? (which may vary by study) and the participant’s willingness to identify as GAY, BI, LESBIAN. So, why can’t the actual number of GLB people be counted? There are many thinks to consider when trying to count the number of GLBT persons. The biggest is most are still married with a wife and kids living a life of troubled times. “Walking on eggshells,” is what one married man said in our support group.

What do the experts say?
When asked about GLB population statistics, Gary J. Gates, a Senior Research Fellow at The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy, says:
“That’s the single question that I’m asked the most. The answer is unfortunately not simple. I’ll respond with a question. What do you mean when you use the word ‘gay’? If you mean people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual in a survey, then the answer is that it’s likely not one in ten, but closer to one in twenty. A recent government survey found that 4 percent of adults aged 18-45 identified as ‘homosexual’ or ‘bisexual.’ A similar proportion of voters identify as GLB. If you define gay as having same-sex attractions or behaviors, you do get higher proportions that are a bit closer to the one in ten figure.”

Is Gay In? Tell us what you think?
Dennis Schleicher – Best-Selling Author of;
Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Why Gay Husbands Have Long Term Difficulty with Sex, Love, Romantic, and Suffer Rejection in Life

Why Gay Husbands Have Long Term Difficulty with Sex, Love, Romantic, and Suffer Rejection in Life
By Dennis Schleicher

This is now my 5th year working with Gay husbands, straight wives of gay men, and guys in love with gay married men, (The Other Man.) The difficulty gay men married men have sustaining serious, long-term romantic partnerships through the years that have kept many gay, or so-called Bi men in the closed form coming out as ‘gay.’ Up against society’s prejudice against homosexual love, I have observes, they’ve separated sex and love form their wives. As adolescents, gay men suffered the rejection of unrequited affection, but most formatively, they sustained emotional damage in childhood from paternal rejection and/or maternal inattentiveness to their feelings or disregard for their need for autonomy. The result is an inability to fall or stay in love, arising from deep-seated anxiety about dependency, lack of self-love and mistrust of another’s love that leads to gay, Bi, men feel and think that getting married to a women ‘will make them straight guys with wives.’

In the past 5 years I’ve analyzes dozens of case histories of chronically married gay male patients, tracing their attachment difficulties to childhood experiences with remote, rejecting or smothering parents. Though my married men’s support group being homosexual, weighs in on the same-sex marriage debate with the fear of coming out. Secondary argument—that the lack of a formally sanctioned structure further undermines gay commitment of a gay husband holds a real fear a complicated, cultural analysis will be frustrated.
The gay husbands will never find by his own reasoning the important emphasis on happiness found in a gay long term, loving relationships that can existed. The long term difficulty is the truth for any gay husband that will never come out of the closet and his mental health will be compromised for life as he lives a life of lies and dishonesty.

It is never too late to break free form a straight wife and let her free as you can find a romantic, loving gay relationship with no shame.

Be Safe-
Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries (Best-selling author of an explosives and controversial memoir )
Post your Options and Comments;

My Husband Says He’s Gay – What Should I Do? Is He Gay, Bi, or Needs Help?

My Husband Says He’s Gay – What should I do? Is He Gay, Bi, or Needs Help?

Q: Dear Dennis, My husband of many years has just dropped the bomb that he’s attracted to men. I’m a mess but sort of frozen in my tracks. What should I do? What should I say?

A: As hard as it is for one partner in any relationship to come out to the other as gay or bisexual, receiving this news can be awful hard, too understand. No doubt, your husband gave this “Coming Out” conversation a lot of thought before he told you the truth. You could feel lucky that he was truthful about his coming out as a gay married husband. Often time the wife is left in the dark for every. I talk to many wives who have no clue or suspicion about a man or husband being gay.

As frozen or angry you could be feeling, my advice to you is to try and go ahead with your life, I know that’s easy said than doing. Consider contacting your local or http://www.PFLAG.orgn (Parents Friends of Lesbians & Gays.)

Now it’s time to get a divorce. Get tested for any and all STD’s. Your not alone, as there’s a wealth of advice and so many other women or as I say “Straight Wives” out for you to talk with.

May I ask, why did he tell you that’s he is a gay man?

Be Safe-

Dennis Schleicher
Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries
Send your questions to Dennis Schleicher @ or visit our website, 

Coming Out Stories as a Gay Husband who Need Help and our Support

Coming Out Stories as a Gay Husband who Need Help and our Support

“This was an E-mail from one of the guys in my support group. With his blessing he said it okay for me to post this to our blog for other Gay Husbands and Other Man Support to see and hopefully this will help. This is his story;”

Coming out as a Gay Husband is among the most controversial and sensitive issues in the realm of homosexuality, especially within countries and societies where same sex relations are being frowned upon, if not loathed. Even in a country as liberal and as open minded as the United States, hundreds of gay and bisexual men and women are still confused whether or not to reveal their sexuality, more so even face it. While films, literature, and mass media have been very supportive of the aims of gay liberation, and bombarding the world with different projects that encourage homosexual people to come out, truth is when the case is zoomed in on the personal, individual level, the difficulty, anxiety, fear and frustration of disclosing one’s self are really overwhelming for anyone like myself who‘s a gay husband with a great wife and two beautiful children.

Coming out stories, whether in print, radio, television, and online, are very helpful to gays and bisexuals who would want to come out but do not know how. These stories, drawn from real lives, show a wide range of cases of fear in coming out, among them being an only son, having a religious family, coming from a high-profile clan, belonging to a homophobic school or office, and many others. Dennis’s coming out stories in is book Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries has inspire gay men and women to come to terms with themselves and be comfortable and happy with who they are. Their continuous emergence in the media help forward the acceptance and equality that the gay population deserves, and wash away conservative, close-minded and prosecuting notions against homosexuality and queerness.

Coming out stories should not be seen as propagandas that make gay people grab megaphones and announce to the world their preference for the same sex. In fact, within the realm of gay culture itself, “coming out” and its extent are still being debated. It should be noted that coming out is not being done just for the sake of sexual declaration. It is done because gays need to share their loved ones and people important to them the lives that they live and want to live, without lies, without denials, without hiding. I am a gay married husband who needs more like Dennis’s Book to help me. Thank You……

Tell Us Your Stories by Posting your Comments;

Be Safe- Dennis Schleicher

Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Seniors Reborn, Coming Out GAY Later in Life as a New Trend that’s Growing – More Gay Husbands are Saying I’m Gay as the Straight Wife is Devastated!

Seniors Reborn, Coming Out Later in Life By Julie Bolcer News – Seniors Reborn Coming Out

Changing attitudes and increased visibility of LGBT Americans are prompting more and more seniors to come out later in life, a process that is a new subject of study.

The Associated Press reports that people who work with older adults note the trend of seniors coming out, even if no definitive numbers are available. Outings by older stars such as Meredith Baxter, who came out last year at 62, and Richard Chamberlain, who came out in 2003 at 69, inspire some.

“Increased awareness and acceptance of varied sexualities and gender identities has led Americans to come out far younger, as early as middle school,” reports the AP. “A less noticed but parallel shift is happening at the other end of the age spectrum, with people in their 60s, 70s and 80s coming to terms with the truth that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.” Coming out later in life presents unique challenges for seniors who have denied their true identity for decades, according to the AP.

“Outing yourself late in life can be complicated after having lived through times when being openly gay could get you arrested, put in an institution and given shock treatments. It’s snarled in a lifetime of trudging along through society’s view of normalcy and the resulting fear of being ostracized by children and grandchildren. And it’s marked by a nagging doubt that all the heartache, all the potential for it to go wrong, may not be worth it with one’s years numbered.” Advocates for seniors will meet this week in Chicago for the annual conference of the American Society on Aging.

 Dennis’s Comments Outing yourself late in life can be complicated, even if it’s done in your 20s, in many cases where it’s taken 50 or more years to acknowledge having lived a suppressed life, this could feel more difficult. Many of the men in our support group contact me in their 60s and 70s, wondering, “how do I come out this late in life?” The choice is not easy, but more are finding acceptance as there are many support groups that can offer guidance and increased awareness of the challenges for seniors or people of all ages to come out and be truthful can face. Anyone looking for help and support can contact myself or post a confidential message below. The best a resource is your local Gay & Lesbian health collective in your town or county.

Dennis Schleicher best-selling author of an explosives and controversial memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Support for the Other Man Was Voted Number One by You, now Dennis Wants Your Story

MyBook Tell Dennis your story & you could win his book for FREE. have compiled a list of the best male, bisexual or gay blogs on the net, based on your votes!

Support for the Other Man Was Voted Number One by You, now Dennis Wants Your Story

The overwhelming amount of visitors to “Support for The Other Man and Gay Husbands,” continue to grow as your votes are pouring in.  Dennis would like to hear your story.  Let’s use this opportunity to post your comments and feedback on the topics in this blog.

Tell Dennis your story by posting your comments below and you could win a free copy of his explosives and controversial memoir;

Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries


Be Safe- Dennis



Best Male Blog that elected contains an enormous amount of porn. I would like to ensure our viewers that’s not what support for gay husbands and Other Man is all about. You will find NO porn on or any one of the websites and blogs that I represent. Unfortunately, it’s a major part of the hidden lives that gay husbands lead as it plays a major role on the Internet itself.

Relationship Coaching in the Comfort of your Home

Relationship Coaching in the Comfort of your Home

Talk with a counselor in comfort from home. Online counseling is easier and more convenient than seeing a therapist in person. You can keep your privacy and choose to remain anonymous. Nobody else needs to know. Save time and money, start feeling better. Work out what to do next in your life. Online Counseling lets you choose from email, instant message chat, phone or webcam sessions with an experienced therapist. These sessions happen over the internet in the comfort of your own home or office by phone or Skype. You discuss anything that is important including finding direction or motivation, feeling happier and what to do about specific problems related to your relationships, thoughts or experiences. You can access confidential online counseling from anywhere in the world. For more information on fees or to make a appointment contact us @

Your privacy is important. Online counseling lets you speak to a therapist from the comfort of your home or office, or anywhere in the world that your business takes you. Phone or webcam session (60 minute sessions) You can choose either webcam or voice only. At the first appointment you can discuss your expectations and how you came to be seeking counseling or therapy. Instant chat (60 minute sessions) Text based counseling. This is a good choice if you can type and prefer not to use the phone or webcam service. The Skype application will provide you with a text record of the session. I prefer the phone or Skype. Email Exchange Send an email of up to 1000 words. You will receive written reflections and questions to assist you. The main benefit of email counseling is that you decide when and how often you write.

About Dennis

working as a relationship counselor and Tantric Coach for 16 years and has worked extensively with Tantric Sex Coaching, Blogging, Radio Show, working with men, woman, straight or gay wishing to explore or celebrate bodies. Tantra literally means a “tool for expansion.” Outlining for spiritual transformation. Learning highly orgasmic techniques for reaching new heights of sexual arousal & intimacy. Dennis is considered a guru in relationship shifting that breaks traditional notions of what a couple should be. Men, Women that have denied their true sexuality in order to follow societal norm of the traditional marriage scenario are increasingly finding other options to “coming out”, families suffer collateral damage of lives that will forever be changed. Is there anyway to know my husband is gay? Support for the other man, gay husbands, straight spouse & wives of gay men. “Coming Out,” is not an event. It’s a lifelong process of overcoming learned shame and increasing self-acceptance. I advocate that all gay men must strive to come out – fully. No one can truly be happy and thrive in the shame and secrecy of being in the closet – fully or partially. Dennis Schleicher Best-Selling Author “Forbidden Love with a Married Man.” and has been a support group counselor working with all kinds of Coming Out.

  • Developing a Lasting Gay Relationship

  • Tantric Kissing, Sexual Energy

  • Developing a healthy Gay Relationship

  • Erotic Foreplay and Massage

  • Is He Gay? Straight, or Bisexual? What are You?

  • Multiple Orgasms

  • Sex to a Deeper Level, Peaking Together

Dennis’s approach has helped many and can help you to achieve the ultimate pleasures in your life. He has been called the ultimate Tantric Sex coach that will become your must-read for every man, woman, straight, or gay wishing to explore, confirm or celebrate our bodies. Dennis uses collaborative & narrative Therapy – practices influenced by the work many Doctors. He takes an interviewing approach instead of ‘advice-giving’. This model of therapy is gentle and respectful but has powerful results and to the point!!!

What Can Gay, Lesbian Bisexual & Transgender Counseling Do for You?

Do you need some support? Or are you wondering if you might be gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Talk online and keep your privacy secure. It’s confidential and easy.

Our Therapy takes a respectful approach to:

Questions about how or if to tell others about your sexuality

Could you come out to your wife or loved ones.

Relationship issues

Feeling better after a relationship ends – how to move on.

Bullying and harassment at work, or elsewhere

Loneliness, how to find or make friends

Concerns about internet use Sex related problems,

Tantric coaching Wanting to feel happier with life and your relationship with your self.

Dennis has many years experience assisting other gay men, lesbians, bisexual people and others dealing with sexuality. Or if Dennis is not the one for you his years of working in coaching he can help you find the Therapists for you.

Be Safe- Dennis Schleicher

Best Selling Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries & Support Group Counselor

Sexual Secrets of your Husbands

Posted in Coming Out,Gay Husbands,Gay marriage,sexuality,Straight wives by gayhusbands on October 1, 2009

Sexual Secrets of your Husbands
By Dennis Schleicher
Are you a wife who knows their husband is keeping a secret? Can a real man confess the truth about his secret life? Telling the truth for the many men in my support group is often easer sad than done.
If you are not willing to forgive you will be stuck in this mess for life. Even when you let go of your gay husband this process is powerful.
Being gay is not a mistake rather it’s the truth of your husbands natural sexuality.
Non-forgiveness will lead to being cold single person existents of miserable lessons to learn for life.
In any relationship contentious issues arise. When it comes to cheating, well, this may require many hours of counseling.
When I counsel x-wives there is a big fear of sex. {To find therapy in your area send Dennis an e-mail or post on this blog.}
Lying about an affair is often the norm. Not being faithful to your wife is both emotionally & physically draining.
When a wife catches you having an affair, her entire world as she knew it today, just fell apart. What makes this worse is when we lie about it. Yes it’s very easy for men to lie about their sins of lust. The honorable thing to do is to come clean and tell the truth.
Yes, you may and should lose your wife in the process if you still have sex with men. At least you did not continue to carry your lie.
When you cheat, be a real man and tell the truth to your wife and loved ones.
Be Safe,
Dennis Schleicher
Best Selling Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries by Dennis Schleicher
Recommended Therapist:
Bonnie Kaye (215) 288-6959
Angelo Pezzote (917) 673-5003 or
Both are best selling authors and available for phone sessions
The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder by Bonnie Kaye
Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Talk: A Collection of Her Best Newsletters About Gay Husbands
How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives

Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love by Angelo Pezzote

With Hopes of Returning Home as a Functional Straight or Heterosexual Family

This poem was sent to me by a wife of the gay husband, who is in such denial that she couldn’t accept her husband’s double lifestyle as a gay married man. As she was pleading, please stay…
Here We Go Again
Please just let me in again
We have so much to do
There is not much time,
For what we need to get done
We wasted the first part of
Now there is nothing left
Too much time has passed
I some how forget the day
Because I closed my eyes,
And you slipped away
But you won’t do that
Or maybe you do not need me,
Like I need you
Accept me as I am
You knew me my positive ways
Now we need to find a new way,
To make this thing work out
What do you have to say?
I have given my plea
Please don’t reject me
You can see what I am worth,
Understand where I may be
For that is the purpose of our lives,
Is to be together,
As a family the way we have been for the past 15 years…
—-Sandy C

Sex Sells, Aids Kills – HIV – Understanding Risky Sex for Married Closeted Men & Straight Wives

Sex Sells, Aids Kills – HIV – Understanding Risky Sex for Married Closeted Men by Dennis Schleicher

Yes, it has been quite a long time since I’ve discussed the ramifications of living a secret double lifestyle. It continues to amaze me that the number of married gay men secretly living a double life that have no intention of coming out to their spouse/wife of their homosexual encounters. Yes, that’s you, the men that I talk to daily that believe, because you’re posing as “straight” your immune to the epidemic of HIV and AIDS. So let’s talk:

The HIV antibody can take up to three months to develop and be detected in a blood test after the virus has been transmitted. THIS is not to be taken lightly, and all people testing for HIV should first receive proper counseling as to its advisability in their particular situation. The decision to test for HIV must be an individual one, and no one should allow themselves to be coerced into taking the test.

Understanding Risky Sex

Following activities are considered to present the highest risk:

· Oral Sex: The HIV virus in semen and vaginal fluids will normally be destroyed by stomach acids if ingested. The risk of infection increases if your partner is giving fellatio or cunnilingus has any small sores, ulcers, or cuts present in your mouth or gums. To minimize your risk, condoms could be used or latex barriers can be used during cunnilingus.

· Anal intercourse without condoms: The blood vessels in the rectum can easily rupture with the friction of sexual activity, creating a high risk of infection.

· Sharing sex toys: You should not share any sex toys with your partner because of the risk of cross-infection of the virus.

· Casual sex and multiple partners: With casual sex affairs you will never know the full sexual history of the other person. EVEN if your told I’m FINE OR CLEAN. BIG RED FLAG!

· The use of condoms reduces your risk by 98%. Safer sex activities or just NOT having sex at all is only way to stay 100% clean. Many if not ALL of the married men I deal with day in and day out are not educated as to safer sex activities which leads to cross-infection to there straight wife’s at home.

The CDC: Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective: National HIV & STD Testing Resources:

Do Tell Us Your Story by Posting Your Comments Anonymously ??? Be Safe – Dennis


Do You Feel Optimistic About Gay Rights Legislation?

Do you feel more optimistic about the prospects for gay rights legislation than you did last year?
63% Yes
30% No
7% Not Sure

“We now have a president who is at least sympathetic toward LGBT issues rather than openly hostile, as was the previous administration.”

“The only thing the current administration offers is a lot of lip service.”

“We are definitely moving in the right direction and at a much faster pace.”

–The Advocate featured in the June issue.
Tell US what you THINK???

The Gay Man’s Therapist by Angelo Pezzote

Your Weekly Affirmtion: The sun is always shining behind the clouds, even if grey skies is all you can see. ~Angelo

All’s He Cares About Is Himself!

Dear Angelo,

I am in love with my friend but he doesn’t feel the same way about me. In fact, he’s very self-absorbed. All he cares about is himself. He doesn’t even treat me good, but he’s all I think about. I can’t imagine my life without him. I need him. I wish he could just see that I’m what he’s been looking for. I find myself really lonely, doubting myself and questioning things. I’m miserable, thinking of hurting myself, knowing I’ll never be able to be with him. I wonder if things will ever improve for me. I’m so confused right now. I don’t want to end up old and alone surrounded by cats and dogs.

Signed, Sinking Ship


Dear Sinking Ship,

I’m sorry you’re suffering through this awful situation. The pain of unrequited love can be excruciating and the ensuing grief can seem unbearable. I’m so glad you sent out this S.O.S. ! And you know what? Your use of humor at the end (“surrounded by cats and dogs”) tells me you’re going to be okay.


In the movie Titanic, Rose has to let go of Jack’s frozen hand (allowing him to sink underwater) to get rescued. The lesson is that sometimes we have to let go of something we love to save ourselves. It’s better for you to let him go and suffer the relatively short-term emotional pain rather than drawing out the misery of not having him. Anything less is masochistic.


As painful as it is, every time you think of him say, “I release you and wish you well.” Then ask yourself, “what do I need to do to take care of myself right now?” Then do that. You must believe that you’re trading this relationship in for a better one. The Universe is already directing the right guy to cross your path at the right time. Focus on that new love to come rather than on what didn’t work out.


I also suggest you call the Trevor Project (a 24/7 confidential gay suicide & crisis prevention helpline ) immediately at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386. I also recommend you consult with mental health experts such as a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. It’s also a good idea to attend a 12-step group such as CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous ) or Al-Anon ( ) for self-care, learning how to keep the focus on yourself.

All The Best, Angelo.

Author of Straight Acting – Gay Men, Masculinity, And Finding True Love

Life…Who’s Helping With Yours? Did you know I personally provide one on one support by telephone and internet (Skype) no matter where you are? I even pay for the call (by calling you). And for you recessionistas, I have a special low fee for your first session by phone or internet Reduced Introductory Session so you can try me out. I’ve actually reduced my fees in general to help my clients during this awful recession, and have phone/internet packages and rewards to help you save even more! There will never be a better time to begin than right now. Details Next Event MAKING LOVE Thu APR 16 8-10pm LGBT Center Free (Donation). Want more Ask Angelo advice? Want to Blog, Chat, Connect? Not yet a member? Register. Missed a Natty Newsletter? Sign in to the Members Area at and go to the Archives under your Mailing Lists tab.


Feel free to forward this e-zine to a friend. If they like it they can join to get it free at Win a free autographed copy of my book as a raffle prize. Anyone who joins our newsletter list or refers someone to our list in the next 30 days is entered.



Supportively Yours,

Angelo Pezzote, MA, NCC, LMHC, LMFT, RPH

Tel (917) 673-5003 Manhattan, NY 


Editor’s note: As one of the best clinical psychotherapist, especially within the genre of gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, and transgender issues, Angelo Pezzote can undoubtedly help you with a broad range of concerns including: relationships, anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma (abuse), sexuality, and gender. He is available by appointment in-person, over the phone, or internet (Skype), which allows him to counsel any of my support group members no matter where you are throughout the country.

Dennis Schleicher

Best-Selling Author and Support Group Counselor 

Developing a Lasting Gay Relationship

Posted in gay love by gayhusbands on March 7, 2009
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Developing a Lasting Gay Relationship

by Dennis Schleicher

Like all relationships that list over a long period, gay partnerships change and evolve as the years pass, but the change can occur over time just might happen so gradual both partners may not realize they are happening, and misunderstandings can sometimes arise. As the gay society has many deep issues dealing with self-esteem and self-worth, accompanied by years of societal conditioning that lends itself to manifest externally through self-worth. Partners do not always pass from one stage of development of their relationship to the next at the same time, and so changes can be misinterpreted as a loss of interest. If, for instance, one partner is still in the passionate ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship, craving sex at all times of day and night, while his partner has moved on to the less frantic second period, of their relationship development. Where the relationship emphasis is placed on home making along with developing a family, then there may be a mistaken perception that the relationship has run its course. Gay relationships can extend over many decades, or they may last only one night. Whether long or short term, they should be treated with respect, and that participates should mean not only to pleasure each other’s bodies, but to enhance each other’s mind, and spirits. When you share something of yourself with another person, it should enrich you both, and when you offer your bodies to each other, it should involve more than just the ambition to achieve an orgasm. It would be unrealistic to expect every sexual encounter to be a transcendental, life-changing experience. Sometimes there is no empathy, no concentration, no connection, no common ground between you and your partner, and you both except that you do not want to pursue your connection. However, when this occurs, you both should not treat yourselves with the lack of dignity that we deserve as human beings.

Please refer to my friends to book (Straight Acting) by Angelo Pezzote. Chapter 7, Solutions: how gay men can OPT OUT, Triumph and Thrive. Post your comments and tell us what you think???

Be Safe-

Dennis Schleicher

Best-selling author of an explosive and controversial memoir; (Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-Mail Diaries)

Buy Dennis Schleicher’s explosive and controversial memoir;

American Obsession with Masculinity

Posted in Coming Out by gayhusbands on February 3, 2009
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American Obsession with Masculinity

Growing up as a gay man in American society a male child learns early on the obvious superior position the more masculine the male the higher social standing he will likely attain by it is sheer virtue. It is very clear that the masculine male athlete is considered of the highest social standing. How Americans worship their male athletes is the prime example of this hyper-masculine obsession within American culture.

Having traveled all over the world but most particularly I have noticed in most of the northern European countries there isn’t quite the masculine obsession. Being a gay man, all gay men know what “gay-dar” is. Some heterosexual people may even have heard this term but don’t understand quite what it means. It means having almost a sixth sense about who is gay. Gay men tend to have pretty good gaydar that is clearly a learned behavior that is generally quite accurate. This is solely, I believe due to the phenomenon of the American masculine obsession. This obsession actually causes men that are not masculine by nature to become masculine acting by practice. You see it in our own former president who is clearly acting out a hyper masculine image. Bush was clearly acting like an American cowboy hero, holding is arms further away from his body than need be to give the impression of his arms being to muscular and bulky to hold them closer to his body. This learned behavior stems from insecurity I believe. However, conversely one does not often see this behavior within most European cultures because they don’t seem to have the hyper-masculine worship that we Americans have.

Perhaps we have it because of the history of how our country was founded. The reason why I mentioned gaydar is because in Europe my gaydar does not work well because many of the European men by American standards act effeminate. It is not that they are effeminate, that is once again only relative to American cultural standards by how we were taught to measure masculinity. European men just walk, talk and act much more naturally and without giving thought to whether they are perceived as being masculine or feminine. This then translates into the fear of being considered gay. The issue of masculine/feminine ought to be considered a neutral issue within a healthy culture that is not fraught with fear about being considered gay or straight.

Gay men I have observed over my many years of being an out gay man have even bought into this American hyper-masculine worship. They will often try and act masculine, and will on chat lines make certain that the gay man they are talking to knows that they are the masculine type. Most of us, whether gay or straight are somewhere in the middle. However, many men will practice trying to be, on the masculine scale. This is truly an interesting phenomenon. This is likely partly the reason why athletes have trouble “coming-out” of the closet because they will lose much of their social standing and adoration. We as Americans need to be more concerned about our ethics, morals and social decay rather than being so concerned about the way we were born to behave and what actually comes naturally to us.

Brokeback Mountain: Now a Major Motion Picture

Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love

Androphilia: Rejecting the Gay Identity, Reclaiming Masculinity


“After years of living the lie of fierce heterosexuality in order to maintain his macho boy band image, former ‘NSync ladies man Lance Bass dropped a bombshell on everything we know about masculinity by revealing to People Magazine that he is actually gay. While we admire his courage and hope he is now able to live a happier life, many of us are still feeling a combination of shock, confusion and disillusionment. I mean, who’s next – Clay Aiken?”

By Dennis Schleicher
Best-selling Author of;
Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

Straight Spouse Support

 Straight Spouse Support  

Support for The Other man, Wives of Gay Husbands and Straight Wives was designed to help and support parents, families, friends and the straight spouse as they come to terms with finding out their loved one was gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

It is hard enough for a parent to learn to cope with their child telling them that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

It is also extremely hard for a wife or husband to learn that their partner and often parent to their children is gay, lesbian, bisexual or wishing to change their gender.

This website has been receiving questions from people who are a straight spouse, or like myself “The Other Man.”

Questions that are being asked are;

What help is available?
Am I the only one this has happened to?
What about their children?
Have they done something wrong? Etc, etc.

All very important questions that need to be addressed with care and correct information.

As a straight spouse, gay husband, the parents, families, friends, or the other man we all need some kind of support or have many questions.

This is not your fault and there is help out there as you are not the only one this is happening to. You have not done anything wrong.

Yes, you will need support and guidance and so will your partner and your children if you have any. Your partner has not given you this information to hurt you (even though you are hurt).
Your partner is trying to be honest with him/herself and you.

It doesn’t mean that your partner doesn’t love you either. It is just that a heterosexual lifestyle is not right for him/her. Gay is not a choice.

I will give you the web site address to many support group called I use every day.

Straight Spouse;

This group will address the questions that you will want answered and give you the much needed support that will help you get through this.



Straight Talk with Bonnie Kaye;Gay Husbands/Straight Wives – Info, help and counseling for women who discover that their husbands are gay/bisexual.The main USA one is


The Australian one is



This is so important as they understand what you are going through. And more importantly will help you get through it.
The one good thing about the net is you can be anywhere in the world and be capable of getting the appropriate help and support that is needed.
You should never feel alone!!!
Be Safe, Dennis Schleicher 

These groups are run by people who have been affected by having someone they love tell them they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

Free HIV & STD Testing

Posted in Gay Husbands by gayhusbands on July 18, 2013
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Free HIV & STD Testing

Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective

“Another Aspect of the Tangles that Married Gay Men find Themselves in, what Happens to the Other Man? ……”

Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail DiariesPeriodically, myself the author of an explosives and controversial memoir “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-Mail Diaries.” and founder of several support groups and international lecturer, receives e-mails from the “other man” or the “other woman”. These terms, because of their link to an affair outside the marriage, tend to have a stigma attached to them. Perhaps their rights will change with time. These people, emotionally or romantically attached to another person who is already married, are often more concerned about the well being of that person, than about their own well being. That is ok to a point, but there is an old saying: “Never, ever get involved with a married person”This paints a particularly black picture, but this is deliberate. Many single people become the “other person” in a love triangle because of what their heart is telling them, but more often than not, because they do not know the whole truth about their new friend, who has withheld the information that they are already married. This is where the lies start. They are not necessarily intentional lies – they are what they want the other person to hear. With the discovery of the marital status, there could be promises that the married person will leave their spouse and children, and come and live with the “other man or person”. Such promises are rarely fulfilled. The reason for never ever getting involved with a married person is that in the majority of cases, the married person will never leave the marital nest unless forced to do so. They want their cake and eat it too. This can lead to a lot of pain and hurt for the “other man”, to frustration and to lost time, when they could be perhaps finding someone else who is not married to spend their life with. So think twice, unless you are married yourself, to becoming the “other man”. That “other person–man” has feelings just like anyone else. Trust me. I was there. I have a published diary to prove it…!!!
Be Safe-
Dennis J. Schleicher
Author of “Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries”

what’s interesting to you?

Is my Husband Gay?

Posted in Gay Husbands by gayhusbands on February 4, 2011

Is your husband-gay

Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages. Are you one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Are you suspicious about your husband’s late night activities? Or are you oblivious to a problem that could be putting your health and the livelihood of your family at risk? Don’t tell yourself that you’re simply being paranoid without taking a closer look!

Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship. Your spouse may have been experimenting with the “gay lifestyle” even before you met. Maybe he’s just using you as unwitting cover as he seeks playmates in the heterosexual world. For these types, the shame of being “outed” is so great that they will go to any extremes to hide their lustful activities, even tricking a straight woman to marry them to appear so-called NORMAL in society. Sometimes it’s the nervous family who has rushed a young man into marriage out of a fear that his secret will be exposed. For others, homosexuality can appear later in life when men crave some escape from the monotony of careers and home life. Same-sex experimentation is also connected to drinking alcohol abuse as some narcotics are proven to lower inhibitions and to drive people to take risks to feed their true same sex feelings.

Post Your Comments and Tell Others what You Think…

Be Safe~ Dennis Schleicher

Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries (Best-selling author of an explosives and controversial memoir)



Fulfillment of Your Desires ~ Harnessing the Infinite Power of Truth, Being Honest

Posted in Gay Husbands by gayhusbands on January 28, 2011

Fulfillment of Your Desires ~ Harnessing the Infinite Power of Truth, Being Honest

We all have a deep longing then unforeseen events conspire to manifest it as a partnership with a woman. Gay Husband!

I’ve seen others come up with solutions to life big challenge.

Most of us simply dismiss these events as events as coincidence. The mistake is made not taking a closer look, for the word “coincidence” means happening at the same time, and these moments are actually glimpses of a place where everything happens at the same time, or synchronistically, a place where our past and present future are one.

Tell us what you have done to be honest in filling your every desire.

Be Safe~ Dennis

Who is (BMMA) Bisexual Married Men of America – Offer Support, Suggestions, Affirmation, Challenges or Further Questions about Coming Out or Not

Who is (BMMA) Bisexual Married Men of America – Offer Support, Suggestions, Affirmation, Challenges or Further Questions about Coming Out or Not

Some of us are bisexual, some of us are gay, and some of us are trying to figure out who or what we are. Most of us are married, some of us are engaged to be married, some are separated, divorced or widowed. We are mostly living in North America, but we have members in countries around the world.

As bisexual and gay married men we face unique challenges in life unlike gay or bisexual single men. Whether we are in or out of the closet, we face discrimination everyday of our lives. We are accused of “fence sitting” by heterosexuals and homosexuals. If we are closeted, we must hide our feelings from our wives and others. If we are out, we must find a way to incorporate our feelings into our marriages and families whether or not we act on them. Some of us who are out have tremendously supportive wives. Others have had their marriages and families destroyed. Some of us have even lost our jobs.

How BMMA Functions Today’s technology allows one to participate in a vast array of electronic media, including this group. BMMA is an email list-serve which offers a unique way of dealing with the challenges we face daily. Messages posted by email to BMMA are read by our hundreds of members. Those who wish to offer support, suggestions, affirmation, challenges or further questions can post their response to the mailing list for all to see, or they may write to the original poster privately, off the list. Although friendships and even loves have developed between men who met through the list, BMMA is not a place to post personal ads. You may sign on to the mailing list and “lurk” for as long as you like. We hope you will soon feel like joining in the ongoing conversations, or begin a new “thread” of your own.

When you first post to the list, we suggest you start with a brief introduction of yourself. Share that which you are comfortable making public: Your first name or a nick-name, what part of the country (or world) you live in, your marital status, whether or not you are out to anyone, etc. You will find all BMMA brothers are or have been in a similar situation, and deeply respect one’s need for confidentiality and/or anonymity. The group has the potential for large volumes of mail, but a digest format is available. In the digest format you receive one email each day that contains all the posts in the prior 24 hours. Under the regular format you receive each message as it is posted. This group has proven very effective and has changed many lives for the better. Welcome to a world you never knew existed!

BMMA website; Bisexual Married Men of America – Safer
Be Safe- Dennis Schleicher Author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries
Website; Support for The Other Man, Wives of Gay Men & Husbands of Straight Wives
Post your Comments;

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